A short Gauze video from AREA in my favourite named suburb of Tokyo, Takadanobaba.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
20000V, Tokyo.
The A - Z of Animals you can eat and how.
I is for Ibex!
I'm glad they use the oft-overlooked nutric system of measurement in this one.
Braised Ibex
Ingredients:
* 2 1/4 pounds (1 k) of Ibex
* A bottle of red wine
* An onion
* A carrot
* A rib of celery
* 2 sprigs sage
* 2 sprigs rosemary
* A bunch of thyme
* 3 cloves
* 1/4 pound (100 g) cured lard or pancetta
* A walnut-sized piece of butter
* Salt and pepper to taste
Preparation:
Tie the herbs together, making a bouquet garnis. Coarsely chop the carrot, onion and celery and line a deep bowl with them. Lay the meat over the vegetables, together with the bouquet garnis and the cloves, and pour the wine over all. Cover and marinate; if the animal was wild the marinating time will be a couple of days. If it was instead farmed, figure about 4 hours. In any case, turn the meat several times as it marinates.
Come time to cook the meat, remove it from the marinade and pat it dry. Filter the marinade and bring it to a gentle simmer. Chop the lard or pancetta, heat it in a pot, and add the meat, turning it so as to brown it on all sides. Continue cooking the meat over a gentle flame, adding the hot marinade as necessary to keep the meat from drying out, until it is fork tender. At this point transfer it to a platter, let it sit for a minute or two, and slice it; spoon the pan drippings over it and serve it with steaming polenta.
Friday, January 30, 2009
The A - Z of Animals you can eat and how.
H is for Horse!
Believe it or not, I couldn't find a human recipe on the internet.
Cossack Roast
Ingredients
4-5 pounds horse
5 onions chopped
1 1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cloves ground
1 teaspoon cinnamon ground
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg ground
1/2 cup cider vinegar
1 garlic clove minced
2 tablespoons butter
4 tablespoons yogurt, plain
2 cups cabbage shredded
2 turnip diced
4 each carrots diced
1 black pepper freshly ground
1/2 cup raisins, seedless
1/2 cup apple cider
1 1/2 cup water
Directions
Place meat in a deep roaster. Mix spices with the 2 chopped onions and garlic. Cover meat with this mix. Pour vinegar over the meat. Cover and refrigerate for 24 hours. Turn the meat at 12 hours.
Preheat oven to 275 degrees. Pour off the liquid and reserve it. Place meat back into roaster. Add 1/2 cup of the vinegar mixture, the cider, water, & raisins. Cover and cook for 2.5 hours.
Melt the butter in a skillet add the carrots, turnips, remaining 3 chopped onions & cabbage and cook until slightly browned. Spread the vegetables over the meat and roast for 1/2 hour. Remove the roast from the roaster and slice. Skim fat from liquid in pan and serve the vegetables with the liquid.
Heroic Goon creates meat-tank.
Sadly, I had nothing to do with this.
To quote the sage like eloquence of intarnat personality, Ross Amorelli, 'there's some good stuff on that internet'.
The A - Z of Animals you can eat and how.
G is for Groundhog!
Country-Style Groundhog
1. 1 groundhog
2. 1/2 c. flour
3. 1/4 tsp. salt
4. 1/4 tsp. pepper
5. 1/4 tsp. soda
6. 1/4 c. cooking oil
7. 1/2 tsp. sugar
NOTE:Clean and skin as soon as possible. Remove all sent glands. Cut off head, feet and tail. Cure in cool place by suspending from hook approximately 4 days. When ready to cook, lard according to recipe.
Dress groundhog as rabbit, removing the small sacs in the back and under the forearm. Soak groundhog overnight in salted water to remove wild flavor. Combine flour, salt, pepper and soda; rub into groundhog pieces. Brown groundhog in hot oil in skillet; sprinkle with sugar. Reduce heat; add 1/2 cup water. Cover; simmer for about 30 minutes or until tender. Remove cover; cook for 10 minutes longer.
"Dress groundhog as rabbit"? What, like this?
The A -Z of Animals you can eat and how.
F is for Flamingo!
This recipe doesn't have an ingredients list attached, but I think the fact that it's 2000 years old is fantastic. On the other hand, I'm greatly disappointed that a vomitorium isn't what I thought it was.
1. Scald the flamingo with the feathers still on.
2. Wash it and remove the feathers and other parts not meant for eating.
3. Stuff it with greens, celery leaves, etc., and tie it to keep its shape. Coat it in lard.
4. Boil the bird in a pot of water with salt, dill, and a little vinegar.
5. Put the half-cooked bird in a sauce pan and brown in oil. Add a bunch of leeks and coriander. Add a little broth. Cover and continue cooking.
6. To add color, pour in some grape juice thickened by heating.
7. Crush some spices—pepper, cumin, coriander, laser root, mint, and rue. Moisten them with vinegar.
8. Add dates and some of the juice from the sauce pan. Stir this back into the sauce and simmer.
9. Add flour and cook till thickened. Strain and pour the sauce over the bird.
I have also added a diagram for ease of carving.
I work in customer service, bitches.
Like pretty much everybody I went to 'University' with, I work as a skillless call centre drone. Every so often something happens to brighten up my day. The following are genuine e-mails recieved by the e-commerce team at the company that I work for. If the Irish fellow is not available for Prime Minister, please elect this fellow:
Dear Sirs/Madams (Sirs, I hope)
I recently availed myself of your Wine and Beer offer.
As I am unaccustomed to fermented grape juice I have a quick question.
How is the product ingested? Orally? Nasally? Anally?
I require your discretion as my wife is currently a replicant.
Marshmallow triangles,
Professor Muller.
It seems that the good Professor could not wait to hear back from us during out busiest time of the year and decided to write again hours later!
Dearest Friends,
I do hope I am not moving too quickly in referring to you as friends.
I have discovered over lunch that nasally is most certainly an incorrect method of ingestion of your product. Oh my did I make a mess. Luckily my carpet is red anyway.
I have done some research on your beverage electronically and learnt of its oral consumption. I was perplexed by the fact that Wine has apparently been around for centuries yet I have only just learnt of its existence. Do you have a patent on its design?
I hope future customers who have queries such as myself can learn from the error of my ways and not cause such permanent damage to their sinuses in the process.
I am currently preparing for a sabbatical sojourn into the unknown where I will tinker with my time machine and enjoy the Antarctic White when I arrive. I will write to you yesterday.
In addition, can I organise personalised labelling through your company? I have a few ideas. I will email them through as they come to fruition. I would like to send some as gifts in the New Year.
Mechanised Pencil Cups,
Professor Muller.
Which of course prompted our immediate attention..
Dear Professor Muller,
Thank you kindly for your emails and for keeping us up to date with your new found wine experiences.
We are glad to hear that you are enjoying your order.
Indeed, we do not recommend ingestion of our products nasally (as you have since found out), nor for that matter anally, as while we are not sure if it has ever been attempted before, we presume it could do some serious damage.
Please feel free to keep us up to date with the rest of your adventures.
Kind regards,
Chris Long
Member Services
And a very prompt response
Dearest Mr Long,
How are your shoes? Dry and sufficiently laced I trust!
This morning during my daily exercises (I run around the living room in concentric circles for several hours) I filled my refreshment receptacle with your Amberton Lizard Shiraz Grenache. A taste explosion! It made a refreshing change from my regular choice of beverage, Molasses and Milk.
I have just been browsing your website and have a query about a wine I am considering purchasing. Does http://www.cellarmasters.com.au/tastingnote.aspx?offerproductid=3925305 come in a bottle with a puse or calico trapezoid by any chance? I am allergic to off-centre yellow rhombuses and often break out in Tourettes.
Further to my previous query regarding personalised wine labels is it possible for you to organise a hologram of myself to appear when my nephew Norbert opens the wine? He does so love holograms. However my brother Tobias is slightly more old fashioned than I and has raised the boy to not speak or read traditional English. I trust you are as well versed in Runic script as I?
I have also noticed that your website provides "Tasting Notes" and "Food Matches". I am going camping soon. What do you suggest to be consumed with Roasted Pinecones?
Raccoon umbrellas,
Professor Muller.
What. The. Fuck. I think I'm in love...
Dearest responders of textual enquiry,
I feel that as you were privy to my creation of my time machine yesterday I should keep you informed of what is going on, because I can only imagine you hardly slept last night wondering which Baroque period banquet I was attending or just how much fun it really is to ride a dinosaur.
At approximately 11.50pm yesterday evening after my standard dinner of marinated toast I headed downstairs to stairs to venture into the unknown, or known but poorly documented.
I built the time machine around an old deck chair as I wanted assurance that I would arrive at any juncture of time with maximum comfort and a drink holder. As the LED lights flickered and the Garfield electric toothbrush I stole from my son to use for parts buzzed I awaited the next moment gleefully. The engine purred, then it roared, then it spluttered, then it exploded. As it did so, the chair lept a good foot off the ground. I checked the clock, 10.50pm. Success! Whilst it was only a small change progress was made and my dinner still uneaten!
I bounded upstairs eager to find my wife and possibly even an alternate reality version of myself (whom I envisage as having a Moustache). Only to find my dinner eaten, my wife robed in her teal Mumu, and still refusing acknowledge questions in binary even though she is most definitely a replicant.
I gasped whilst I contemplated the possibilities of this new reality where I dined an hour earlier than usual. Why? I scrambled for answers in the instruction manual I had written for myself. I called the help number but it was engaged due to the fact that it was my number. I turned to my wife for answers and they lept forth. I hadn't adjusted the clock in the basement for daylight savings time.
I will keep you posted about my next experiment,
Waffle haberdashery,
Professor Muller.
PS I have discovered that your wine makes a fantastic substitute for bath water! Please inform your customers post-haste!
I will make posting any future correspondence a top priority...!
The A - Z of Animals you can eat and how.
E is for Elephant!
1 med. elephant (African is best)
500 gal. hot water
2 packs onions, finely chopped
1 bu. potatoes, peeled and sliced
5 shovels salt
3 shovels pepper
1 1/2 cases Worcestershire sauce
5 qts. peanut oil (optional)
10 bottles rum (or more if cooking time is longer or if you're expecting more than 8 guests)
Coke to taste
Mix 1 1/2 oz. of rum with coke; drink. Wash and dry elephant (don't use soap as this will spoil flavor). Chop into bite sized chunks. In back of 1/2 ton truck (or rented U-Haul) pour hot water. Have another rum and coke and add elephant, spuds and other ingredients. Allow to simmer. Meanwhile, finish first bottle of rum. Stir mixture using canoe paddle or small outboard motor. Allow to simmer until vegetables are tender and meat falls apart. When guests arrive, start them off with remaining rum. This recipe will serve 3800 people. If more are expected, 2 chopped rabbits may be added. Do this only if necessary as most people do not like to find a hare in their soup. (The peanut oil won't really add to the soup, but it's the way the elephant would have wanted it!)
For Sarah, because "Id like to know how you would suggest I cook it, because i have a lot of elephant meat leftover in the freezer, and it would be great to be able to cook it before i move."
Thursday, January 29, 2009
The A - Z of Animals you can eat and how.
D is for Deer Mouse!
Technically, I guess it's not really starting with D, but I thought that Duck or Deer was something I could just nip down to 7-11 for.
16-24 nice plump deer mice, cooked & deboned
1 qt. mixed vegetables
1 med. onion
1 qt. potatoes, cubed
1 lg. pinch salt
Cook all ingredients together and place in a casserole lined with pie dough. Bake for 45 minutes to 1 hour at 375 degrees. If no field mice are available, 1 pound of pork sausage may be used.
Thank you for granting me permission to use pork sausage.
Kids of the Black Hole.
I did a little series of Hardcore Punk mixes a bit ago on 8tracks. There's three up so far and I'll upload the fourth as soon as I get a chance. Nothing that anyone with a decent record collection hasn't heard. If you think there's something I've completely overlooked so far let me know.
Kids of the Black Hole Pt 1
Out Of Vogue - Middle Class The
Nervous Breakdown - Black Flag
Reject - Urban Waste
Born To Die - Stains
Reagan's In - Wasted Youth
What Are We Gonna Do? - Code Of Honor
Video prick - Deep Wound
Bob Dylan Wrote Propaganda Songs - Minutemen
Rush Hour - Social Unrest
No More Art - Really Red
The Todd Killings - Angry Samoans
I Hate Tourists - Freeze The
Rich Daddy - Dicks
Cherokee Nation - Ill Repute
Uncontrollable - Jerry's Kids
Mom's Wallet - Zero Boys
Skateboard - JFA
Kids of the Black Hole - The AdolescentsKids of the Black Hole Pt 2
Bloodstains - Agent Orange
My Rules - VOID
Fight Back - Big Boys
Time To Change - Insted
This Is Hardcore - Corrosion Of Conformity
Cat Mouse - Frantix
Came without Warning - Scream
Conquest For Death - Necros
G.I. - Government Issue
Terrorize - Gang Green
Dr. Butcher - The Mob
Bombs - Attitude Adjustment
Hold Your Ground - Gorilla Biscuits
My Own Mind - Uniform Choice
Wheres The Unity? - Infest
World War III - T.S.O.L.
Under Your Influence - Dag Nasty
Skate and Destroy - The FactionKids of the Black Hole Pt 3
Nuclear Funeral - D.I.
Calling For You - Agression
Death Threat - Citizens Arrest
Buddies And Pals - Battalion Of Saints
God Is Dead - Heart Attack
Can't Tell No One - Negative Approach
Prevent this Tragedy - McRad
Sob Story - Minor Threat
Deadmeat - Impact Unit
Pothead - Rich Kids on LSD
Wolfsblood - The Misfits
Never Trust - Septic Death
Time Change - Red Squares
3 Seconds Of Pleasure - Sick Pleasure
Institutionalized - Suicidal Tendencies
W.C.A.L.T. - The Accused
Ingenious Irish Travel is my hero.
I once got arrested in America for being friends with a Canadian but no Goldfish were involved, sadly.
Irish traveller's behaviour 'a disgrace'
By Christine Flatley January 29, 2009 03:12pm
AN Irish traveller has been sent home in disgrace after committing a series of bizarre crimes while drunk.
Richard William O'Flynn, 25, was at the end of a two-year working holiday visa when he embarked on the unusual crime spree in Brisbane late last year, the Brisbane District Court was told today.
His most bizarre act was to take a goldfish into a Ticketek office in the CBD and demand money so he could pay for food to feed it, the court was told.
On another occasion he and a male friend got drunk and entered a cake store, where he demanded a "gay cake" for their "gay wedding".
O'Flynn then picked up a cake decorating knife and threatened the assistant, asking for money.
When the assistant told him she would call the police, he and his friend left the store, the court was told.
O'Flynn pleaded guilty to one count each of attempted armed robbery and attempted stealing.
He also pleaded guilty to using a carriage service to menace, harass or cause offence after repeatedly calling a real estate agent and abusing her because she left a flyer in his mailbox.
O'Flynn, who will return to Ireland at the end of the month, also pleaded guilty to wilful damage for kicking a car during an argument in Bundaberg.
Judge Milton Griffin sentenced him to 12 months' jail suspended after 80 days, which he has already served in pre-sentence custody.
Judge Griffin described O'Flynn's behaviour as "disgraceful" and said Australia would be better off without him.
"We will all be altogether pleased to see you go," Judge Griffin said.
Happy Birthday to you.
This is a video I made as a Birthday Card. 25 Years old and still obsessed with Dinosaurs. Go me.
The A - Z of Animals you can eat and how.
C is for Camel!
Ingredients
* 1 whole camel, medium size
* 1 whole lamb, large size
* 20 whole chicken, medium size
* 60 eggs
* 12 kg rice
* 2 kg pine nuts
* 2 kg almonds
* 1 kg pistachio nut
* 110 gallons water
* 5 lbs black pepper
* salt
Directions
1 Skin, trim and clean camel (once you get over the hump), lamb and chicken.
2 Boil until tender.
3 Cook rice until fluffy.
4 Fry nuts until brown and mix with rice.
5 Hard boil eggs and peel.
6 Stuff cooked chickens with hard boiled eggs and rice.
7 Stuff the cooked lamb with stuffed chickens.
8 Add more rice.
9 Stuff the camel with the stuffed lamb and add rest of rice.
10 Broil over large charcoal pit until brown.
11 Spread any remaining rice on large tray and place camel on top of rice.
12 Decorate with boiled eggs and nuts.
13 Serves a friendly crowd of 80-100.
I think it serves twice as many if the crowd is hostile.
The A - Z of Animals you can eat and how.
[Supplementary]
B is for Bear!
4 bear paws, marinated
1/4 lb butter
1/4 cup red wine
1/2 cup water
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1/8 teaspoon clove, ground
1/8 teaspoon rubbed sage
1/2 cup onion, chopped
Directions
In dutch oven brown meat in butter. Mix wine, water, salt, pepper, clove & sage together, add onions & simmer 1 hour longer. If additional liquid is needed, add more wine & water.
I Hate Summer.
I can't wait 'til the frost finally comes, and then this heat is finally gone.
Watching the sweaters come out every year at this time, that we only have a few months is a crime.
The summer nights I will not miss.
I hate Summer.
The A - Z of Animals you can eat and how.
B is for Bison!Bison Stroganoff
1 ½ lb bison sirloin steak or other tender cut
1/3 cup flour
1 ½ tsp dry mustard
½ tsp salt
¼ tsp ground black pepper
3 ½ tbsp canola oil
½ lb mushrooms, thinly sliced
1 cup onion, finely chopped
3 garlic cloves, minced
¼ cup flour
2 cups chicken or vegetable stock
3 tbsp dry sherry
3 tbsp tomato paste
1 ½ cups sour cream
Cooked egg noodles
Cut steak across the grain in very thin strips, about 1/8 inch thick. Set aside.
Combine 1/3 cup flour, salt and pepper in plastic mixing bag. Add the bison meat and shake. Add 2 tbsp oil to large non-stick skillet. Over medium heat, brown the coated bison stirring constantly. Once browned, remove meat and keep warm.
In cleaned skillet, sauté onion in remaining oil until soft and transparent. Add mushrooms and garlic and cook and stir on low heat for 3 minutes. Sprinkle and stir in ¼ cup flour. Add stock, sherry and tomato paste. Increase heat and bring to a slight boil. Stir in browned meat slices and stir together until hot. Remove from heat and blend in sour cream. Return to stove just long enough to heat through, but do not bring to a boil.
Serve over cooked noodles.
Amidala the rice?!
This is the back of a bootleg copy of Attack of the Clones that I found in Ikebukuro, Tokyo last year.
Clearly Babel Fish was set to 'awesome' that day.
Click away to bask in a skillful manipulation of the English language.
The A - Z of Animals you can eat and how.
A is for Antelope!
1 c. Beef broth
1 tbsp. pickling spice
1/2 tsp. celery seeds
1/2 tsp. basil
1/2 tsp. marjoram
1/2 tsp. thyme
1/2 tsp. sage
1 bay leaf
3 crushed peppercorns
3 crushed allspice
2 tbsp. lemon juice
1/4 c. vinegar
Combine ingredients. Cover meat and marinate in refrigerator for 10 to 12 hours.
Grill until rare, serve with Eggplant and Zucchini Ratatouille
Animal of the Day.
This smug looking motherfucker is a Star Nosed Mole.
He runs around in marshlands being pretentious and self-important. It's disgusting.
Wikipedia informs me that "The star-nosed mole lives in wet lowland areas and eats small invertebrates, aquatic insects, worms and mollusks." Really what I glean from this piece of information is that the Star Nosed Mole wades around in filth, scooping up the lowest rung of the food chain with it's Intergalactic Space Vagina and burrows holes in which to gloat.
Congratulations, you're one of the only mammals that gets eaten by the Skunk.
I wouldn't rate the Star Nosed Mole high on the taste agenda, but I don't think it's anything that some Garlic Sauce couldn't remedy.
OH HAI.
This is new and mostly for me to occupy time.
Consider it E/N with added animals and how tasty I think they might be.
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